This is Not Goodbye
by Quincey Forder-Denis De Plaen
Summary: What does a former Padawan after she left the Order and new paths opens before her? Follow Ahsoka Tano as she face that choice, and how she lives with it spoiler for season 5 and the extended universe. updated with some corrections


**This Is Not Goodbye**

by Quincey Forder - Denis De Plaen

Disclaimers: Star Wars and all associated characters and concepts are property of the mouse company we all know; Walt Disney. Oh and it also contains spoilers for Season 5 of Clone Wars and some of the Extended Universe

The red haired mandalorian mercenary entered the tent, her helmet under her arm and a thermostatic bottle in her other hand.

Inside the tent, a young Togruta woman was sitting on her heels, her legs bend under her.

The red head smile as she watched the younger woman focused on the holos surounding her.

"How long have you been going through these, _dalyc da_?" she asked in Mando'a.

The Togruta grinned and looked up

"Not long enough, it would seem. I can't make sense of the glyphes. Aah well, I guess I can make a pause for a quick lunch."

The older woman snorted and put the bottle down on the small table, pushing some ancient volumes made of paper and bound by leather covers

"Hoops?" the young grinned sheepishly.

"Yeah, hoops." her elder smirked, uncorking the bottle and pouring an thick creamy liquid in a wooden bowl. "You need to take care of yourself, Ahsoka. I won't always be there to watch over you."

Doctor Ahsoka Tano -or at least soon-to-be doctor, if she could finally make sense of all this stuff!- refrained herself from rolling her eyes.

"Thank you, Bo-Katan. You're a real mother for me, Bo-Katan."

The Mandalorian merc punched her protegee's arm good naturedly.

"Less mocking, more eating." she pointed at the bowl, "It's some wookie made stew. I don't know how you can eat this, but I know you love it, so dig in!"

After a rocky start, five years earlier, Bo-Katan and Ahsoka Tano began to form a bond that could be compaired to a maternal one. The tough mercenary knew her departed sister, Satine, had a soft spot for the former Padawan, and she owned the life of her nephew to her, Kenobi and Skywalker.

Skywalker... She clenched her fist at the though of him

"You're thinking about my former master, aren't you?" Ahsoka asked. "_Buir_, It wasn't his fault. It was the darjetii who killed Anakin, Vader, who caused all this. Obiwan said so in the message he sent me. And it's been ten standard years since the Purge."

Bo-Katan refrained from saying what she though about this. She has seen Anakin Skywalker, saw the signs in him, he was just like Maul, that butcher who murdered her sister. Skywalker WAS Vader. But her _da_ refused to see it and swallowed the lie Kenobi fed her. Yet her mandalorian woman couldn't bring herself to blame Ahsoka for believing it. Despite the No Attachment rule of the Jedi, she had seen that the young Ahsoka Tano viewed Kenobi like her father and Skywalker like her brother, and the deceased Senator and former Queen Padme Amidalla Nabirie as her big sister.

"You never told me why you left him, 'Soka," she whispered gently, kneeling next to her in the traditional sitting posture.

The young archeologist sighed, and shifted position.

"Do you remember the bombing?" she asked.

Of course Bo'Katan did! It was a tacitly agreed fact that the bombing at the Jedi temple was the event that set the ball running, that would lead to the so-called Jedi Uprising, the birth of the Galactic Empire and the Purge, and eventually the formation of the Rebel Alliance.

As a mercenary, and an elder, respected and feared one to boot, Bo'Katan was privy on several informations that the Empire, and especially Vader would prefer to remain secret. Like that Starkiller freak, for example. When she heard the story, it nearly made her hurl, and cemented her conviction that Vader and Skywalker were one and the same. Starkiller was so obviously Vader's way of filling the void Ahsoka left in his life, her replacement, her dark image in the mirror.

She wondered if the former Jedi missed her da more than he missed his dead wife and so-called dead child. Or Children, for only a fool wouldn't recognize Padme in Senator Lea Organna? And worse of a fool who would believe that freak of an Emperor wouldn't recognize his former compatriot in the passionate diplomat.

"You're not listenning, are you?" asked Ashoka, her eyes sparkling with mirth. "I was saying that the bombing and being framed by my best friend and accused by all the masters but mine, it broke my heart and my trust in the Jedi. I had to leave..."

Over ten years ago,

Coruscant

"...But I have to figure on my own. Without the Council." she turned away, unable to face him. "Without you." she finished

Anakin sighed. "I understand! More than you realize, I understand. Wanting to walk away from the order." his voice was subdued, sullen. It broke her heart to leave him. But she had to.

She gave a slight look behind her, barely turning her head, and whispered, simply "I know."

How could she not? The way they looked at each other. She wanted to say, 'take care of Padme'. But she didn't, she kept her quiet and walked away, leaving her former master in stunned silence, and slowly took the step down the majestic stairs.

She had another stop to make, another person dear to her hear, to bid farewell to.

"A moment, please. The Senator is in a meeting with Senator Bail Organna" the Ranger said. He knew Ahsoka, having seen her around Senator Amidalla. He recoginized her from when she saved his very life, several years ago, when those criminals took the senators hostages.

Ahsoka gave him a nod and a small smile.

The Ranger came back and held the door open for her,

"You may enter, Padawan Tano" he said with a smile, barely visible under his heavy blue helmet.

Padme's face lit up when she saw Ahsoka and rushed to her, and embraced her.

The former Padawan held the embrace longer than usual, ringing alarms in Padme's head.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" she asked softly, cupping her husband's padawan's face with her hand

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Padme, Senator Organna." She began

the older man smiled kindly to the young woman

"Think nothing of it, Padawan Ahsoka." he said, a smile spreading and curving his trimmed goatee.

"I'm not Padawan, anymore, Senator." she spoke softly

He boomed with laughter and Padme squealed in delight and hugged her even tighter

"So they made you a Knight! That's wonderful, and calls for celebration!" he boomed happily

Ahsoka's face grew alarmed

"Senator Organna, Padme, wait."

Both humans quited immediately, a feeling of dread spreading in them, and exchanged a look.

"They did want me back in the Order, and stated that I had faced and overcome the Trial to become a full fledged Jedi Knight... But I declined."

Two pairs of eyes went wide.

"You WHAT?!" Padme exclaimed, not believing her ears. "Ahsokay, honey! Why?!"

The Togruta lowered her eyes

"I don't feel I belonged anymore. They didn't trust me, nobody trusted me, believed in my innocence."

Padme felt like she was slapped across the face, and furrowed her brow

"I did." she remarked dryly.

Ahsoka nodded and smiled, taking Padme's hand in hers and squeezing gently

"I know you did." the former Padawan placated her surrogate sister, "You and Anakin are the only one who did. Even Master Kenobi had doubt." _And that's wat hurt the most_ was left unsaid

She felt a masculine but warm, fatherly hand on her shoulder and turned her head toward Bail.

"I did too, but I was too far to be able to do anything, and Tarkin wouldn't let me contact you by the Holonet."

She smiled at him

"Thank you, Senator..."

"Bail." He corrected with a smile. "If you call Padme by her first name, then you can call me by mine, as well."

Ahsoka blueshed and nodded

"Bail. It means a lot to me. But if the council doesn't trust me when it reall matters, how can I trust myself? How can I trust them? Or the Senate? And..."

"And you feel that what Barriss said rung true." Padme finished. She knew the young girl as well and as much as she knew her sisters back on Naboo. The young Pad...woman was family to her. She had dreamed that when the time came that she got pregnant, that Ahsoka would agree to be the godmother of her child.

Ahsoka nodded.

"I don't condone what she did, nor can I forgive her betrayal, at least not yet. But what she said at the trial, it didn't just ring true, it WAS, IS true. I wouldn't say the Order has fallen to the Dark Side, but, I don't know, there is a strain. Master Yoda said that there is a cloud around everything. And his right, but it's a cloud of their own making, and I can't be part of it anymore."

Both Padme and Bail nodded. While their views were less mystical and more prosaic and practical they felt the same, and how slowly, the democracy of the Republic was becoming the varnish over a military junta. The fact that people like Tarkin climbed in the hierarchy so fast and gained so much sway, it didn't bode well for the Republic. At least there were still some young people with integrity like that young Ensign that served about the ship that transported Bail across the Outer Rim, that Gilad Pellaeon, if his memory served him well.

"What do you plan to do?" Bail asked kindly

Ahsoka pondered her answer.

What, indeed, did she plan to do?

Become a bounty hunter like Ventress? She was good in fighting.

But she had lost both her blades, the lightsaber and the shoto, when she went fugitive.

And she was tired of fighting.

"You should travel, study something not taught at the temple. Medical field, Law, history..."

the last one peaked her attention. She was good with research, and she enjoyed helping the librarian Master, at the temple, when she had some R&R between missions.

History, and travels...

"What about archeology?" she wondered out loud

Bail's face brightened "It so happen that the University of Alderaan has a renown faculty of archeology and historical research." he explained, his eyes beaming.

Ahsoka smiled but then her smile froze on her lips and disappeared altogether.

Such studies are expansive, not to mention the space travels for private citizen is quite expensive, these days, and she didn't have the enormous bank accounts of the Order to back her up.

"That'd sound great, bail, but I don't have any money, and I couldn't afford the tuitition, let alone the travel from here."

Padme put her finger on Ahsoka's lips

"Hush. If you want to study archeology, you will study archeology."

"But how? I don't ha..."

"I will pay for it, don't you worry about that, I'll take care of it."

the young woman looked embarrassed at first, then vexed

Padme seemed to read her mind

"It's not pity or charity, 'Soka. You are family. Tut! You ARE! Now that you aren't part of the Jedi Order, that rubbish about attachment and family bond doesn't apply to you anymore. And there is nothing I wouldn't do for my familly."

Ahsoka's eyes filled with tears as she hugged Padme

"You have no idea how much it means to me." Ahsoka said softly against Padme's shoulder

Bail gave her a lopsided grin "Padme beat me to it, but her argument are, as always, incontrovertible!"

Both women chuckled.

"Until this is all set, you'll be staying here." Padme added with a tone that said she wouldn't take no for an answer.

Bail grinned even more "See? In-con-tro-ver-ti-ble!"

Ahsoka laughed while Padme grabbed a cushion and tossed it at her mentor.

"What do you mean she's dead?!" a shocked Ahsoka shouted at the comm. "Padme can't be dead, she was going to have her baby at any day!"

"It's Vader, a new Sith lord, he killed her after..." Kenobi started.

"After what? Ben!" she pressed, tears willing in her eyes

"After he killed Anakin." he finished in a breath.

It was too much for Ahsoka and she fainted, collapsed in Breha Organna's arms

"General Kenobi?" the Queen of Alderaan asked on the comm.

"I can't say too much over the holonet, it's not safe, Your Grace. Senator Organna is on his way back, he will explain everything."

"Understood, General. May the Force be with you."

"And with You as well, Your Grace. Take care of Ahsoka for us. Farewell."

"Farewell, Obiwan." she whispered before the holo disappeared

"Doctor Tano!" a young Twilek student rushed on the unsturdy platform, almost falling over and down the hundreds of feet bellow. "Doctor Tano! It's horrible!"

"Your carelessness aside, what is horrible, Mr Firinis?" a mature and regal looking Ahsoka Tano asked her student.

"It's all over the Holonet! It's Al-Al-Al."

"Refrain from stuttering, Mr Firinis," Ahsoka sneered.

Her student paled and nodded and handed her a small terminal

"You know this terminal is confiscated, right?" she asked. She had a strict NO-HOLONET on site for her students and she enforced that rule with the firmness of a Moff. "You have two hours left before your shift, boy! Get some rest!"

the young man scampered and would have fallen to his death if Ahsoka hadn't stabilized him discretely with the Force.

She turned the terminal on. And her heart skipped a beat.

Alderaan.

Her home. Her family. Her friends and colleagues.

Gone.

"G... G45, gather everybody in the galley in a hour. I'll be in my tent." she instructed the protocol droid that served as her assistant, and headed toward her tent.

If any student heard the scream, the sobs and wails, nobody ever said a word.

Ahsoka Tano was an old woman, now

"Aunt Soka?" A young blond haired boy ran toward her, "Are you sick?"

His mother arrived soon after and looked at her apologically

"Ben, how many times did I tell you not to eavesdrop your father when he's talking with the other masters?"

"Too often?" the boy offered shyly.

"Damn right!" his mother agreed, running a gloved hand in her long russet hair.

"the boy's only concerned for his old Aunt Soka, Mara dear." she smiled and ruffled the boy's hair.

She winked at him

"Don't worry, kid! I've survived the Separatist, the Imperial purges, even the Yuuzhan Vong! I won't keel over so easily!"

"You promess?" young Ben asked.

"I'm not sick, kid, just old. One day I'll be one with the Force. But you know I'll always be with you. And your mom and dad, and Aunt Lea and that nerf herder that serves as uncle,"

"Aunt Ahsoka!" Mara chided gently, the effect lost in her laughter.

"I was told not to lie to the young ones, my dear!" Ahsoka quipped, "Now, why don't you go play with your cousin Jaina. Your old _babuir_ needs some rest."

insect were buzzing around as Ahsoka was enjoying a good iced tea on the terrasse of her home

"Hello, Ani." she croaked with a smile

behind her a groan was heard,

"Can't you respect your old former master, Snips?" a male voice asked in a whine.

"Want some cheese with that whine? There is some in the fridge, ask one of those sith spawned medical droids for some!" she retorded

Another male laughed

"Still fiesty, isn't she?" said male asked

"Your one to talk, you old sand mouse!" she responded, her wrinkled lips curved into a smile

Now it was Anakin's turn to laugh, his blue aura shaking around his shoulders and Obiwan to mumble about respect of the elder

"It is time, isn't it?" she asked, even though she knew the answer. She took a last sip of her iced tea, emptying the glass.

"I would have liked to say good bye to our familly. Trying times lay ahead, and Jacen... my poor Jacen, he's just like you, Ani."

a tear rolled down her cheeks

Anakin kneeled beside her and took her hand in his

"There is no goodbye, Snips, Only..."

A droid came by when the heart monitor wirelessly connected to his system detected the sudden stop of Ahsoka Tano's heartbeat. But he didn't find her, or any trace of her body, only an empty glass and a disgarded blanked on the reclining chair


End file.
